Vocabulary

Someone once said to me that I have a fantastic vocabulary - well that I use "good words" - however upon my paraphrasing it was comfirmed that I have a glorious dialect. So this is the question, if my jargon is so f**king brilliant (and please don't preach to me about the morallity of swearing or try to disuade me from doing it by saying it shows a lack of expression, because sometimes swearing is the exact was to express how you feel) then why oh why can't I just say how I really feel when I really really want to?! See here's is how it goes: I, a typical teenage girl, have a typical teenage crush on a typical teenage boy. I'm not writing this with the hope of him seeing, or with the hope of making online friends whom will coo over me, telling me "he's not worth my time", I'm writing this to express the sheer fustration of not being able to SAY HOW I REALLY FEEL WHEN I REALLY REALLY WANT. Isn't life ironic?